Happy, Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday Sssaaaammmm, Happy Birthday to Me.

Yes, it is my birthday. Yes, I am 34 years old. I am over a third of century old. I have been thinking about all of the many things that I wanted to have accomplished by the time that I reached 34 and here is the list with whether or not I have succeeded.

1. Be the sexiest 34-year old metrosexual in town. Seriously, I don't think its even close, Accomplished
2. Be one of the best Pakistani farmers in the world. Accomplished.
3. Be a terrific 'the forbidden' lambada dancer: Accomplished
4. to only live in Idaho for less than a year. Kinda accomplished because though we were in Blackfoot for less than a year, it felt like 3 years.
5. Star in my own soap opera on network television: Sadly, not accomplished, though not for lack of trying.
6. Be a professional poker player and compete on ESPN. Sadly, not accomplished though I do play a mean hand of UNO and Rook.
7. Be a snappy dresser. Definitely accomplished. My style may not be current, but it is pretty hip for 1988.
8. Have 11 kids. Thankfully not accomplished. I would have been in the funny farm if that happened.
9. Be able to do 9 situps in a row. Accomplished easily, I can usually pump out 10+ a day (as long as I am not sick or tired or too full from eating)
10. Not wearing dentures, using a hearing aid or not being blind from old age. All Accomplished, though I have shrunk in my height.
11. Grow a total awesome beard in a day or two. Not accomplished. Don't get me wrong, I can grow an awesome beard, it just takes me about 1 or 2 months.

And before you all rush out to get me gifts, please just get something that is very expensive.