It may kill you, but at least your belly would be full

I have been known to not eat too healthy. In high school, breakfast consisted of 'Mike and Ike's' candy and lunch was a snickers bar. Thankfully my mom was a great cook so I at least got a great dinner. Overall though, I am not a bad eater. With all that said, there is bad eating and then there is really, really bad eating.

There is a diner in Phoenix called 'the Heart Attack Grill'. Its meals consist simply of huge hamburger patties (half pounders) and are given names like the Single Bypass Burger. The Quadruple Bypass Burger (bacon, cheese and 4 half pound hamburger patties) has 8000 calories. Yes, 8000 calories. Yes, you still read that right, 8000 calories. I do have to say though that my favorite menu item from what I have seen is the Flatliner Fries (deep fried in pure lard). Nothing better than a fully deep fried lard fry. It is also nice to see that this hamburger joint serves up unfiltered cigarettes. Could life get any better than downing 2 pounds of hamburger meat, a nice extra large soft drink and top it off with a few puffs off the cigarette? Yeah, I doubt it too.




I would totally be there if they served Tab, but alas, they only serve sugar drinks, Beer and Jolt as beverages. So, I will just have to view this place admiringly from afar.

Best of 2007: Salt Lake City restaurants

As most of you know, Brodi and I eat out quite a bit. Its not that we hate cooking, its that we don’t enjoy it as much as eating out. Now, with that said, we can cook. I can use the grill with the best of them to cook up steaks, fish, chicken, etc. Brodi can cook up some fabulous mash potatoes and spaghetti (and many, many, many other delicious meals! Love you honey) but we get takeout and we dine out. So, with all that said, here are some of our favorites over the past year.

Nicer/more formal

The Melting Pot—Yes, we know this is a chain restaurant. We understand that. But, we love it and we go too often. How can you beat melted cheese and unlimited selections of breads and vegetables to dip into it. How can you beat fishes, meats and chickens in a tasty broth to go along with potatoes and vegetables. And how can you beat melted chocolate over brownies, fruits and cakes. Its difficult to beat that and that is why the Melting Pot is in our top 10. www.themeltingpot.com

Himalayan Kitchen: The restaurant, to be honest, is lacking in terms of ambiance. It is located on 4^th South and State Street and you will most likely not be impressed by the looks of it. It is also small with no more than 20 tables. But if you are looking for terrific indian/nepalese food, this is the place. I have eaten at 8 indian places in Salt Lake City and the only one that can compete is the Bombay House. www.himalyankitchen.com

Caffé Molise: Located downtown, it has a very nice outdoor setting as part of the restaurant. Very good italian food with good waiters and generous portions of food. www.caffemolise.com

Thai Lotus: Located across the street from the old SLC Library, this just opened up this past year. Cheap meals with lots of food, the Thai food is well done and as authentic as you could hope for. The yellow chicken curry is terrific.

Faustinas: A modern hip setting and some very good food. Not cheap but their lasagna is absolutely terrific. This is located in the downtown area. www.faustinaslc.com

Rodizios: It is hard to go wrong with lots and lots of meat that is brought out to you and cut for you right there on your plate. They also have some good salads to go with it. But, you go for the meat. Come hungry because the food does not stop. www.rodiziogrill.com

Casual

The Dodo: Yes I am a male and yes, I do like the Dodo. Good sandwiches, good soups and a very nice chicken alfredo. Located down at the Gateway, it is worth it to have their most popular Turkey Sandwich or their Chef Salad. www.thedodo.net

Bohemian: A german pub type restaurant out by Jordon Commons. Garlic fries are tasty but will leave your breath with a special smell for weeks. Nice atmosphere and good food.

Citris Grill: A nice setting and a casual setting. Good food that will fill you up. The Southwest Chicken wrap is tasty as well. Good luck in finding parking though. www.citrisgrill.com

The Pub: located at Trolley Squares, this is my favorite of the three other Pub restaurants (Stellas and Red Butte Café being the other two). The pasta salads are terrific and the atmosphere is high energy and loud.

Others that worth a visit: Mengs Garden in Millcreek, the Cowboy Grub on Foothill, Rio Grande down by the Gateway, the Happy Sumo and Z Tejas down at Gateway, Sampan in Sugarhouse, Dasks out at the Old Mill and The Other Place and Cinnegrill downtown.

If any of you have any restaurants that you enjoy, let us know. Later this weekend, we will have the Best of 2007 movies and television.

Free Information and takeout from the Cheesecake Factory

When we lived in Denver, we lived on the 16th Street Mall. We were on the 28th floor with great views of downtown Denver as well as Mile High Stadium and the Nuggets hoops arena. That was all nice, but the best part of it was what was across the street on the ground floor: the Cheesecake Factory. I can't tell you how many times at 10pm, Brodi and I would make the 'smart' decision to order takeout...take the elevator down to the 1st floor, run across the street and pick up a couple of slices of cheesecake. 2000 calories later, we were feeling pretty good, although a little bloated and a little bit fatter.



Fast forward 4 years and we are now in Salt Lake City and the Cheesecake Factory has opened up. We have no interest in 4-hour lines, yes they are currently experiencing 4-hour waits, but we knew that we could order Take out. Now, if only we had their phone number.

If you want to get a phone number, you can call 411. The problem is that it costs over a $1 to just get a phone number. So, Brodi looked into it and found a free number to call to get phone numbers for free. You end up listening to a 15 second commercial, but the info is free: 1-800-Free-411.

She called it to get the Cheesecake Factory phone number and the conversation with the computer system went something like this:

Computer: City and State
Brodi: Salt Lake City, Utah
Computer: Business, Government or Residential
Brodi: Business
Computer: In what city?
Brodi: Salt Lake City (I already told you that)
Computer: Residential or Business
Brodi: Business (yes, still a business)
Computer: For what listing
Brodi: Cheesecake Factory
Computer: OK, Arbys, is that correct?
Brodi: No, Cheesecake Factory (seriously, how do you mess that one up? Does Cheesecake Factory sound like Arbys?)
Computer: Residential or Business?
Brodi: Business (still business)
Computer: For what listing?
Brodi: CHEESECAKE FACTORY, CHEESECAKE FACTORY!
Computer: I am sorry, I do not understand, what category?
Brodi: Business!
Computer: Would you like to search by category
Brodi: Yes (sure, what the heck).
Computer: What type of business?
Brodi: Restaurants
Computer: OK, restaurants, Arbys, All American Grill, A&W Hires, A...
Brodi: Start over, Start Over (she had quickly realized that it was going to go alphabetically)
Computer: OK, for what listing?
Brodi: Oh crap...

Finally, after about 5 minutes, a human, yes a human, came on the line. They quickly found us the Cheesecake Factory. We saved a dollar and all it took was about 8 minutes of frustration and yelling at a stinkin' computer. Yeah, next time we will pay.


We ordered the usual...Cheesecake. Dulce de Leche Caramel Cheesecake. And yes, I gained 4 pounds. But, I did save $1.

Flagrant Licking and Take Outs Anonymous

PRE-HALLOWEEN SPOOKS

Carter and Beckham attended their first Halloween party together at my parent’s ward. (Where they have no primary children, so they have to borrow other people’s.) Beckham was a little metrosexual cowboy (leopard print chaps and a gold belt buckle) and Carter was his favorite cartoon character, Scooby Doo. Just to reinforce the fact that Scooby Doo is a dog, Carter went around licking everyone, and barking. So we added a new mantra to the Stranger Danger curriculum. “Try not to lick people you don’t know. Only lick friends and family members.”

The night was going pretty well, with Carter doing a hilarious turn at Monster Twister, but then the cookie decorating started. You may know that our kids are slightly OCD when it comes to sticky things on their fingers. They both tried to participate, and then promptly began screaming; Beckham unintelligibly, and Carter “GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!” Fittingly, it was just like a scene out of the exorcist, thus kicking off the Halloween season.

CITRUS GRILL ADDICT

Lately we haven’t had a kitchen, due to our nasty remodel. The good news is I finally have an excuse for not cooking. (I never cooked before, but now I have an excuse). So I’ve been treating myself to takeout from Citrus Grill. The Southwest Chicken Wrap with soup. Every day.

It’s now gotten to the point that the person on the other end of the phone asks my name first, and when I say, “Ashton”, he replies, “Oh yeah. Southwest wrap, right? Do you just want me to make you a daily standing order?”

No! You never know, I may want to change my order. I may not order at all!

To which he replies: “Okay, we’ll just talk about it tomorrow. Same time.”

“Talk to you then," I say.

I think I need to start coming up with fake names. And yet my humiliation doesn’t deter me from calling every day. I still show up, every night. I give my name “Ashton” like it’s an alcoholics anonymous meeting. Chicken wraps are yummy.