Nothing important, just some rambling

A few thoughts about the past couple of days:

We ate my mom's house this Sunday for dinner. We had some fruit...and some frakkin' amazing grapes. As you can see by the picture, the normal red grape is on the right, my thumb is on the left and the mutant HUGE green grape is in the middle. I felt like I had to cut that thing with a knife into tiny bits so that I could stuff it into my mouth.

I am no engineer. That is pretty clear. But I walked under a freeway bridge the other day and they had some wood support beams under the bridge. Call me crazy, but is that wood doing much with 5,000 pound cars driving over it all day long?

I picked up some bbq chicken from the supermarket the other day. The label makes me laugh and reminds me that the people selling the deli food are not Market-ers. The name of this delicious dish? Boneless BBQ Chunks. Chunks? Yeah, I still ate it, but they gotta change that name.

Being Random

Our boy Carter called Brodi, 'mom' yesterday. So what? What's the big deal? Well, considering he hasn't done that in over 2 years, it was noteworthy. It hasn't started a trend though, he promptly called her Brodi a few minutes later. On another note--I think he knows how to say the word 'dad' though I don't think I have actually heard him say it for a long time. When I asked him why he doesn't call me dad, he said simply: 'Your name is Sam.' Good point and hard to argue with that.

Over the past year or so, it seems like every weatherman uses the phrase 'We are experiencing weather.' What? What does that mean exactly? Aren't we always experiencing 'weather?' If it is a nice 65 degree day, aren't we experiencing weather?

Roman Polanski is teaching us all that if you ever decide to rape (statuatory rape or any other form of rape), the best thing to do is to be very talented and be willing to run from the law for several decades. If you do both of those things, many people will say to just forget about the rape and let you move on with your life. Interesting.
**sorry for the political commentary.

2 New very entertaining shows on tv--

**Modern Family--about 3 different individual families (though part of the larger family with a dad and his new wife, and his daughter with her family and his son and his family) who are just going about their lives in odd ways. No laughtrack but that will be supplied by you laughing as you watch.

**Glee--Very entertaining. It can get a bit too sexy at times...and some of the interwoven stories are not favorite but the overall show of a High school glee club is funny and well done.

Is there a better meat than Chicken Wings? Seriously, that is a great breakfast, lunch or dinner. Only Ribeye steaks could top it.


Enjoy your day, though it may be hard as we are experiencing weather right now.

Random Randomness

I am waiting to receive the Coach of the Year award. My team of neighborhood kids (7 of them are all kids in our neighborhood that all go to kindergarten together) is taking the Impact Soccer League by storm. My yelling, throwing things around on the field, etc. is starting to really pay off. We are now 4-0 with wins of 4-1, 2-0, 5-4 and 5-2 (though we are not keeping score). I may have to retire and finish with a perfect record. In the least, I should at least get some kind of cash bonus.

Did you hear that they just found a prime number with 13 million digits? This basically means that it is a number that can only be divided by 1 and by itself. So, numbers like 3 and 7 are prime numbers...but it gets harder and harder to find one as the number gets bigger. So, this prime number that has 13 million digits (at the left of this is a picture of the number, minus millions of numbers not printed)--think of it this way, if you printed out each number in regular 12-point type, it would create a number 30 miles long. Yeah, thats a big number. And its prime! And you all could care less. Imagine that pickup line in a bar--Yeah, my name is Sam and I found a 13million digit prime number, whats your sign?

Brodi and I entered in to a mixed doubles tennis tournament. We play our good friends, Brandon and Alissa. If they really value our friendship, they will let us win. We'll see if they do.

We went out to dinner the other night and had a very nice night of good food. We also had a very nice waitress. As we talked, we let her know that she looked like a twin of our friend Heather (sorry we haven't see you guys for a while!). We pulled up a picture of her and showed it to the waitress and she commented that they did look quite a bit alike. The waitress then let us know that a lot of people tell her she looks like some celebrities. We asked who--she told us Angelina Jolie and Jessica Alba. That would be cool to get a compliment like that and have no problem telling other people that--Now I just need to someone to say that I look like a cross between George Clooney and Brad Pitt because if that ever happened, I would tell EVERYBODY, ALL THE TIME. My ego would be so out of control.

Random Thoughts Tuesday

You know its hot when our country manager from Pakistan was in town a few days ago and he remarks 'Wow, its really hot, isn't it?' This from a man that lives in Lahore, Pakistan where the average temp in the summer is 120 degrees at 70% humidity.




Did you know that NBA players who on average, make $5 million a year, get a per diem on road trips? Yes, that is right. Kevin Garnett makes $23 million a year to play basketball, but when he gets off the team bus in Atlanta, he is handed an envelope of cash at $106 a day for food and incidentals. It is comforting to know that these players can have their $10 meal at Dennys covered with per diems.

I remember being in high school and gas prices were under a $1. Now we are over $4. That is some pretty depressing stuff.

I saw a home for sale listing on craigslist the other day that had this line in it: "This home is Voted # 1 in the area by all the neighbors. This will go fast." Interesting--mythical rankings of homes in an area. I can just see the realtor going home to home saying, 'So, which home would you rank as the #1 home in the neighborhood?' I can see all of the homeowners meeting monthly and ranking each home in the area...'sorry Jim, your house fell a couple of spots because Steve updated his basement playroom and Phil added a nice patio in the back. Buy a new appliance and it should vault your home back into the top 5.'

I have no idea how more people are not killed or injured lighting off fireworks during the 4th of July. Seriously.

I have enough steak in my freezer and refrigerator to last a normal family of 5 about 3 months. For me, it will last a couple of weeks. At most. I could eat bone-in ribeye steak for every meal.

I went out and played tennis the other day with a friend of mine, Brandon. He is really, really good. It was rather discouraging though to realize how little I play tennis nowadays considering that I used to play 15 hours of tennis a week for about 10 years of my life. I am rusty and out of shape but it is good to be back on the court again.

Things that we learned in SoCal

During our trip, we had a chance to do some fun things--spent several days at Disneyland, several more days at the beach, a day at Balboa Park and Old Towne in San Diego and some time in the San Juan Mission Capistrano.








We have spent many vacations in the LA/Anaheim/SD region and our latest trip reinforced some ideas that I have had about that area:









Maybe we just got lucky, but they know how to merge on a freeway or a street. In Utah, it is often a show of your manhood or womanhood to REFUSE any kind of easy merge. People stare straight ahead and will not make eye contact with the other car but will do whatever they can to not let you merge into the lane. In Cali, we had no problems and we have rarely ever had problems there.


Bikinis (I am not talking about a regular bikini, I am talking about the extra thin, barely there type of bikinis) are a nice idea in theory. In application, they rarely are. I saw many women on the beaches that had no right to wear those two little pieces of clothing on their bodies.


Speedos on a guy are NEVER a nice idea in theory. In application, the are an even worse idea, even on David Hasselhoff. I hate to say it, but men's bodies are not that attractive. A banana-hammock does nothing to improve on the appearance of a man's body.







In-N-Out hamburger joints rock. Seriously. Tasty hamburgers, 'fresh' tasting fries. Two thumbs up...in fact, I got the whole Johnson-Ashton-Gubler clan to eat there and the reviews were positive. Brodi pulled up the 'secret' menu of In-N-Out and tentatively approached the man to order our hamburgers--she asked 'Does it make sense to say that I want my hamburger 'animal style.' The guy said that it made perfect sense and we had a tasty meal.





10.5 hours in a car with 2 kids is not a fun task. But, I have to hand it to our boys...they were champs in the car. Besides one puking moment of Beckhams (he gets that from me and lets just say, Beckham enjoys a good regular puke every now and then) where he decided that pancakes and sausage do not sit well in stomach that gets carsick easily, the kids were happy tickling each other, watching dvds and playing with their DS Lite game system. The parents on the other hand were more than happy to be done with that trip.


Eastern California is not pretty. No offense to Barstow or Baker, but I can think of close to 15,785 other places that I would rather live. Though Baker has a lot to be proud of--mainly that they have the largest thermometer in the world. If that doesn't blow your mind, I don't know what will.

Most of SouthWest California is very pretty. San Diego, Dana Point, Carlsbad, etc. are all nice locations. Hard to beat 75 degree temps day in and day out.

Things on my brain right now

My allergies are in full, full effect. My eyes are constantly watering and let me tell you, it can be a bit embarrassing when we go to a movie or hear a somewhat sad story and my eyes are watering. I am becoming known as a very sensitive man as tears well up in my eyes. I also have a very attractive eye infection. With my nose running, my eyes filled with tears and goop...lets just say that I am lucky that I am married because otherwise, I am not exactly a sight to behold.









I have an apple tree in our front yard. I hate apple trees. The problem with them is that they grow apples. The apples stay in the tree too long and then they fall on the ground in the dead of winter and I am cleaning up mush on our driveway and snow covered lawn. Good times. They are very pretty in bloom though in the Spring. Too bad they become very ugly in the Fall.


How much fun is it to watch the Jazz play right now? The days of Stockton and Malone were terrific...but this current team is always so much fun to watch. Brodi and I are glued to the chairs watching this team play. With this team, they can give up a huge 20 point lead in a quarter or they can do a terrific comeback against any team. With AK flying around on defense, DWill leading the offense and Booz getting it going downlow and Okur bombing from the outside, it is fun to watch.









Our internet was down for a night last week. We quickly learned how addicted we are to our computers. I half expected us to just start wandering around our neighborhood in a daze hoping to pick up some kind of wifi connection from one of our neighbors. Alas, they all have protected networks. I can't believe they don't trust their own neighbors!


I do not think that I could imagine a movie that I would like to watch less than 'Speed Racer.' The cartoon was barely passable...the movie looks like someone who was high on crack cocaine and decided to put his thoughts down on paper. It looks brutal and would probably cause me to go in to a seizure with all of the colors, loud noises and cars racing in endless circle after endless circle.











Disneyland is coming up soon and I don't know who is more excited--the kids or Brodi.

Weekend contemplations...and not very deep ones at that

I am coaching the 5-year old boys and girls again this Spring (including my boy Carter) and it is quite an impressive team. We still do not keep score, but our team is 1-2-2 so far this year. Though the last game we lost, I think, 7-1 and it wasn't that close. My kids decided that if the ball was not in motion, they would stop and just stare at it. One of my boys asked what the score was and I told him that we don't keep score and in my mind, I was very thankful for that. It is nice to see the kids actually run around a bit...last year, there seemed to be a lot of interest in sitting on the grass and picking dandelions. This year, they are a bit more into it.


Johnny Bravo and Spongebob Squarepants are very funny kids shows. I have to admit though it is a bit embarrassing when Brodi comes in and asks what I am watching and the kids are outside playing and I have to answer 'Johnny Bravo.'






Satan was given one thing to cause us trouble on earth and that one thing is a pyracantha bush. Seriously, they are prickly, grow out of control and just cause trouble in a yard. Brodi began to tackle the project and feeling guilty, I joined in...we then spent a couple of hours cutting down these abominable bushes and loading them into my truck. I have now made so many good friends at the dump, due to the remodeling and other things, that I am inclined to send them all Christmas cards this coming winter.


I love Costco. What other place can you buy 48 rolls of toilet paper, 60 individual packages of string cheese, a tub of peanut butter and enough hot wings to be able to share with all my neighbors for 3 months?





The Jazz rock but they know how to keep things interesting. That game Saturday was excruciating with big leads disappearing, missed free throws and some nice final minute shots by the Rockets. The Jazz somehow escaped with a win and it was shocking that they did. Brodi and I have been on the edge of our seats for all 4 games so far in the playoffs. With more games like this, I don't doubt that I will have an ulcer by the end of May. On another note, it is nice to have a wife that loves watching basketball--we haven't left our seat for any of these Jazz games as well as enjoying other playoff games. This is a fun time of year.

All else is well...

Weekend thoughts

If you aren't watching 'Battlestar Galactica', then I just don't know what to say. Truly a terrific show. You can enjoy it if you are a SciFi geek or if you are just a regular person. It is a great show...too bad its on the SciFi channel which not everybody has...but you are in luck, the first three seasons are all available on DVD. Go watch and have a frakkin' good time.





If you are looking for a way to get your kid to eat vegetables, just tell them that if they eat their vegetables, they will get big and strong. Problem with Carter now is that after each bite of food now, he yells at me to come and feel his muscles (and then he flexes). So, eating vegetables can take a long, long time, but at least he eats good and healthy food all the time now. Salads? He takes so much of it now that I wonder if there is enough for everyone else.

I remember back in High School thinking about how expensive the gas was when it hit 99 cents a gallon during the first Iraqi war. Yeah, depressing. I feel bad that my kids college education is now gone because I have had to use it for gas money, but at least I can drive around town.

We just had our taxes done. Seriously, I do not enjoy this time of year. I hope that this picture doesn't get me audited.

We were having lunch with Brodi's family this weekend and I made a comment that eating all of this food is making me fat. My niece, Necie, quickly exclaimed 'You are not fat!' Yep, Necie just moved into first place on the list of my favorite nieces.

Why is it impossible to turn a book back in to the library on time? I don't think I have turned one in on time in 5 years. I hope that my 'donations' are being put to good use.

Some weekend randomness

Some things from Carter: After putting a blanket on his back, he started running around declaring for all to hear and see, 'I am Super Carter...Suuuuppppeeerrrrr Carter!' I am not quite sure though what his super power is.

We drove home from my our friends house out in Bountiful, Spencer and Molly and their fabulous kids, in a wild snowstorm. As we drove along I-80, you could not see more than 20 feet in front of you. We were going 20 miles an hour. When we got home, we found out that about 10 minutes after we passed thru that stretch, there was a 20 car pileup that locked up the freeway. I would like to say that it was my skillful driving that got us home safely, but it is hard for me to say that since I had my eyes closed the whole time. Lucky us that when I opened them up, we were pulling in our driveway. Mid March and we get 3 inches of snow. Utah weather--Its fantastic!

For some reason, my Utes did not make the NCAA tourney...I guess it had something to do with their 17-14 record and about 13 of those losses being in the last minute or two. Depressing. I miss the 90s. As long as Head Coach Jim Boylen's head doesn't explode (he gets pretty excited on the sidelines), the Utes have a positive future. Hopefully, next year the improvements will be visible in the win column.

If you aren't watching Dexter on CBS on Sundays, check it out. Disturbing and fabulous and gruesome.

I picked up a friend the other day on the side of the road. I yelled at him 'Hey hobo, need a ride.' That got a smile out of him and he ran over to my car and got in...he ran out of gas about a mile back. I took him to the gas station so that he get a container and get some gas. He then told me that he forgot his wallet which was in the car. I gave him my credit card and we headed back to his car. Trust me, my friend J, will never live this down. Not only did his car run out of gas on the freeway, but one of his best friends from High school just happened to be driving by, picked him up and paid for his gas to get home. Good times and thanks for the laugh J.

Beckham's hair is getting curlier. Carter always had the flowing curly locks but Beckham's wispy hair is now going in circles. Don't know what started it now, but he is competing in the 'Gurls Dig Curls' contest with Carter.

We have 4 phones in our house. All 4 are either dead or low in batteries. I know this every day and I still forget to charge them.

Thursday Thinkings

The family went to Riverdance last night. How much of a metrosexual am I in that I enjoyed it? I don't know how their ankles do all of that toe tapping. Lets just say that Brodi is in for a special evening when I whip out my leather pants and bust out some of my latest dancing moves.


There are few shows as funny on television as 'The Soup.' Usually inappropriate but usually very funny. It is basically a guy, Joel McHale, that makes fun of everything happening on television.





2 Things that I love? Our kitchen sink and Garbage Day




1. I am seriously addicted to our copper kitchen sink. I often just sit there and stare at it and put water in it and see the water go around and around. Its also kinda fun to watch it change colors too. Yes, I realize that I am pathetic.

2. Tuesday is Garbage Day--Brodi laughs at it, but I love Tuesday mornings because the garbage guy comes and picks up our trash and our recycling. Our recycling is just a bunch of Diet Coke cans and bottles. Nothing better than seeing all of our junk hauled away each week. The only thing that can beat garbage pickup is heading out to the dump. There is something strangely relaxing and satisfying about spending an hour at the dump with the seagulls and the smell.

Random Wednesday thoughts...

If you would have asked me about this current presidential election and told me that the final 4 contenders for the President spot were:

• A woman
• An old man
• A mormon
• A black man

I probably would think you had the makings for a beginning of a joke. Its nice to see our country has come this far that all four have a chance. Its too bad though that race, gender and religion are still an issue though for some people.

Why do I check things out from the city library? Yes, they tell me when the items are due back. Yes, I know. But for whatever reason, I don't ever return them on time. I wait until I get that letter in the mail where the library basically says 'quit trying to steal that old used paperback book and bring it back.' I do, but usually a week or two overdue. Now 25 cents a day is not much, but if you have 5 books and you turn them all in late by 2 weeks, it comes out to something like $45 (yes, I know that is an exaggeration, but it sure feels like it). Why don't I just buy the books?



Thank goodness for global warming, because if it wasn't happening, I would have about 25 feet of snow in my front yard. Thankfully, I only have about 12 feet.

Our next door neighbor is moving in...and its only been 20 months worth of remodeling. Welcome to our neighborhood. Watch out for the Jefferies, they are dangerous.

I, surprisingly enough, do not care that there has been a writers strike. Yes, I miss '30 Rock' episodes. Yes, I will miss 'Weeds' and 'Dexter', etc. if those shows are delayed. But can it really be a bad thing that there are not new episodes of 'What about Jim' and 'American Dad.'? I have no problem spending more time with my family, watching movies and reading books. Too bad they can't just erase 80% of the tv shows and just keep the good ones. As a sidenote--Dexter is coming to network tv/CBS. Don't ask me how they will make that work. Dexter is not for the faint of heart though the show is truly fabulous.



Carter was going to bed but he wanted me to go with him and lay down with him. I told him that I had to work to which he responded with: 'Daddy, you are so tired...your ears are so tired. Let your ears sleep.' Creative enough that I joined him because my ears were, in fact, very very tired.

Tuesday's Thoughts

I love Blockbuster Online. I pay $8 a month and that gives me 3 mail in rentals a month...I take in that mail in rental when I am done and I get a free movie to check out from the store. They also send me an email coupon for 1 more free movie. So, 7 movies for $8 a month. Now, if I just rented and 'watched' 7 movies a month...

Freeway construction on I-80 keeps things interesting. You haven't lived until you have about 2 inches of space going down your lane with Semi-trucks on both side of you...and its windy...and its snowing...and its a bit icy. Yes, I drive a truck. Yes, I will lose if those semis decide they like my lane better. 2 years and counting until I-80 is done.

We had some business meetings down at our ranch in Central Utah. We had very good meetings and a great steak dinner. Some of the group went out pheasant hunting. I didn't go but when they all got back, I asked if they had a nice time 'Peasant hunting.' Yes, a new ranch activity--round up people off the streets and then set them loose on the ranch grands. Good times for all. I quickly corrected myself and said 'Pheasant hunting, you know, birds' but everyone was already laughing.




For as much bad press as Pakistan gets, it is a fabulous country and we have loved working there and I have no hesitation of going back soon.

I found 6 pounds of extra weight on my body after all the heavy eating this holiday season. I was hoping it just stayed lost. Just curious as to if any of you would like my 6-pounds? I can ship it to you if you would like.


I have seen a couple of movies over the past few weeks: Juno and No Country for Old Men. These two movies could not have been more different and it would have been difficult for either one to be more entertaining. 'No Country' is dark and brutal and compelling. I left not sure exactly what I thought of the flick. This is the latest Coen thriller and it leaves you thinking about it for weeks afterward. No music, no laughter...just a feeling that things were not going to end well.








Juno on the other hand was surprisingly upbeat considering the material. For those of you concerned, it handles teen pregnancy very well. The lead actress is remarkable and extremely likable. The soundtrack is great and all the characters do a nice job in their roles. Be ready for a bunch of pop culture references. Also, nice to see Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner in a movie together.










I taught elders quorum this past Sunday. I liked it. I don't know if those in the class liked it. I did not teach false doctrine which is always a plus. I also did not talk about Kolob which was another plus.

Wednesday Ramblings

Free parking in Downtown Salt Lake City rocks during the Christmas season. Those green coverings on the meters brings a tear to my eye. Normally parking in SLC is not that expensive when compared to DC or London, but it still drives me nuts to put in a dime and see you get yourself about 5 minutes. Why only 5 minutes...well, thats because that is usually all the money that I have in my ashtray. So, the question becomes, What am I going to do for 5 minutes? Do a little dance? Run into a store to tell everyone that I have to go back outside to move my car? Sit on the hood and wait for the meter to expire and then drive away? Now with free parking, my dime can stay nice and safe in my ashtray until next month when I park and have to use it to give that 5 minutes of parking.


I can be a democrat and a mormon. Crazy, but it happens. The only thing worse than being a democrat and being a mormon is being a democrat and mormon who won't vote for Mitt Romney. I haven't decided on how I am going to vote, but I have a feeling that my house may be burned down if I don't vote for him.





I am continually amazed by the utter lack of quality television that is on the boob tube right now. If it is not some shockingly bad comedy (with a laugh track that finds everything funny) or a reality show that I thought was canceled 13 years ago (The Bachelor), then it is some other crummy show. What makes it worse is that shows like Arrested Development, Veronica Mars and a few others actually get the ax. Seriously, how does that happen?




I love basketball season. It will be fun to watch the Jazz and the Utes this year. The new Ute head coach, Jim Boylen, may actually have his head explode on the sidelines at some point this year. It is extremely entertaining to watch flapping his arms and screaming and jumping around. His team may just be almost as entertaining to watch this year as he is.




If we remodel one more thing in our house, I may have to be committed.

David Rosenfelt (http://www.davidrosenfelt.com/) is a tremendously entertaining writer. If you have a chance to waste an evening or two to laugh while also getting a thriller of a book, it is worth reading his stuff.

I love Christmas time, now if I can just spend the time to put up the stinkin' tree. I do have to say though that I impressed even myself by finally putting up Christmas lights--pictures to come later this week.