Saturday, January 30, 2010

To get implants or not

So, this past week has been spent deciding whether or not I needed a tooth implant. I had a bad habit in high school of eating lots of Mike and Ikes. Lots. Tons. By the truckfull. Well, I paid for it right before my mission with several root canals and crowns. Flash forward 15+ years later and one of my crows got loose. My wonderful dentist Danny took it off and began cleaning what remained of my tooth.

To make a long story short, it was up to me to decide if I replaced the crown with another crown. But, without much tooth left for the crown to hang on to, it would probably not be a permanent solution. The other plan? Extract the remains of the tooth and drop a post into my jaw and put in an implant. I chickened out and got another crown. I realize that this new crown may only last a few years, but I was not ready to get implants. Yet.

On a sidenote--kind of sad day though as the old crown was pure beautiful gold. The new crown will not be. Inside my mouth resides 3 fabulous gold teeth (it used to be 4 before this one fell out). True bling in my mouth. So, now down to only 3. If anyone wants to see my old gold crown, feel free to stop by the house and take a look. It is on display. After a few months, I plan on taking it to the local pawn shop or 'Mail us your Gold' and reap the rewards of a gold tooth.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Though I was bloodied, bruised and dehydrated...I survived the DMV !!!!

I don’t know if you are all aware of the new Utah driver’s license laws. Basically the new law is—we want to make renewing your license as absolutely unpleasant as possible just to screw with you. I think that is the actual wording of the law. The new law does not allow you to renew online or by mail. You have to show up, in person, with documentation. Back in the days, you used to get a letter, you fill out a form, they mail you a sticker to put on your license. Wonderful. Simple. And no longer possible.

So my day began innocently enough. I drove to the DMV at the fairgrounds. There is a nice Welcome sign when you enter. I was feeling good. I felt like the people of the DMV cared about me and wanted me to have a good time there. I had all the necessary documentation that is now needed—a passport, 17 utilities bills, ss card, a dna sample and pictures of my home, cars, wife and friends.

I get in and there is a long line to get my license. If you are getting your license renewed, you wait in this line. 30 minutes and its my turn. I go up and dump off the book of documents for them which the guy reviews and says everything is in order. He sees what I listed as my height (6'2") and weight (170 lbs) and thankfully, he keeps his ‘Liar’ comments to himself. I sit and get my picture done. Voila. I’m done or so I thought. He sadly shakes his head and says that this is the first round. He points me to the room from Hell. There has to be 100-150 people filled in this room. He tells me that I take all that documentation to the next window and they will process it. With tears in my eyes, I humbly ask ‘How long of a wait?’ With an evil glint in his eye, he replies ‘3-5 hours.’ I give him my best ‘WHAT THE FRAK’ look and he smiles and says ‘Welcome to Hell, it aint pretty.’ He then gives me my standby number, A108.

Realizing how much time I now had, I actually drive back to my office, collect my computer, notes and other work things so that I can get something accomplished today. I also track down a sleeping bag, a box of cookies, a steak and adult diapers to take with me so I don’t lose my place in line.

I arrive back and find a place to sit. The DMV is an interesting place. You have people representing pretty much every single country in the world sitting around waiting to get a license or to get a renewal. You have millionaires and homeless sitting together. You have mormons, jews and Buddhists sitting together. What do they all have in common? The DMV hates us all. Each attendant knows that they have the power to end your pain by simply pushing a button welcoming a waiter to get off that waiting list to be served. The power is apparent and awesome. When a person’s number is called, the person is crying with joy, screaming in jubilation and jumping up and down. Us remaining waiters simply give dirty looks to the people who are now off the waiting list. We are not impressed. We simply wait.

I stared up at the ‘Now serving station’ and see numbers that are NOWHERE near close to what my waiting list number is. My number was A108. They were beginning at A151. That means in the ‘A’ queue, there are 57 people ahead of me. But that’s not all, there were also ‘B’, ‘C’ and ‘D’ queues as well. Yep, that is disgusting.

Then the unthinkable happens. Noon happens. And that means that every single worker at the DMV goes to lunch. Don't believe me, take a look at the picture. Then look at the numbers they are still serving and you will notice that it is all happening from one booth. There are 11 booths, and there is 1 DMV worker helping us. No kidding. For 40 minutes, this one DMV warrior helped about 4 people. Then around 12:40, all of the DMV workers came back into the room, rubbing their now very full bellies. Hope you had a good lunch. No worries about us.

I heard great conversations around me--everything from planning upcoming family reunions to a guy that took Ambien and aspirin to help him get thru a checkup for high blood pressure. Finally, at 1:35, they called my name. No joke--I threw my arms up and yelled in happiness. I passed. I left the DMV at 1:50...3 hours and 50 minutes after I first checked in. My spirit was broken, but I am now a legal driver once again. Final Score: Sam 1, DMV 76.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Hair cuttin' and stylin'

I got a haircut. Lovely Brodi decided to go a little funky and she went a bit brunette. I wanted to mix it up a bit so I looked over some lovely options.

Option 1: Party in the front and Party in the back is always a good look. I know that I could pull it off but I decided against it. Maybe next time.

Option 2: The faux mohawk. I didn't really want to have to use gel, so if I could incorporate a rolling faux mohawk, that may look pretty hott! Alas, I don't think I could pull it off like this gentleman did with his rolling morph into a fauxhawk.

Option 3: Let my beautiful locks of hair just grow out and flow out. On days that I wanted a break from my hair, I could just put it in a ponytail and rock that out. Nothing says stylish, hip and sexy like long blond hair on a guy. But I wasn't quite ready to leave my brunette hair behind.

In the end, I had a regular ho hum haircut. Don't get me wrong though, still metrosexy to the max, but not as exciting as the hairstyles above.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Happy Birthday to Me!

I can't believe that I just turned 30! (I may be off on that age by a year or two). We had a good weekend filled with ice skating (complete and utter disaster...if God intended us to walk on ice, we would have been born with a blades attached to our feet), sledding (rockin'...Becks loves to sit on my lap as we go down the hill until he gets sprayed with snow and then he frantically climbs onto my lap resulting in a disaster crash), sleep over at the condo on Midway (fun, though not much sleep) to go along with basketball watching, good food eating and other fun times.

Birthday night was spent sitting on the couch with the perfect birthday conclusion--a Jazz game, a book, a Tab and 2 pop tarts. Yay for me. I don't enjoy getting older.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

And the Tab went boom!

A tragedy happened early morning in my office. Now those that have followed my blog probably remember that I have a problem with exploding soda cans in the freezer. It happens all too often. Well, this is different.

I walked into my office to see my small mini fridge door wide open with drink splatter (not blood splatter, drink splatter--though blood splatter would have been cooler, though gross-er) all over the floor and all over the mini fridge. Worse part about it? It was another Tab. A Tab that I would never be able to drink now.

So, this Tab obviously froze and exploded with such force, it knocked open the door to the fridge. How cool is that? If I had been at my desk when that had happened, I would have probably dove under the desk thinking that someone was shooting at me (just like my old West High School days). Thankfully it happened over night.

This could happen again though-- a slushy diet drinks still rocks just a bit too much to turn down the temp in the fridge.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The 'best' of books

Due to the fact that we spent about $45,000 last year in buying books, we receive a lot of book brochures and catalogs. I browsed through one of them tonight and found several books that I will have to purchase.

My Word is my Bond--Biography of Roger Moore
Yes, this is a book about Roger Moore's life and his role of playing James Bond. As the book notes, 'there is nothing left out, not even the naughty bits.' Who would not be interested in this little gem? I can't wait for Timothy Dalton's biography on his acting life and his portrayal of 'the actor nobody wanted to play James Bond.'

Cat Yoga: Fitness and Flexibility for the Modern Feline
Yes, it is exactly about what the title of the book is a way 'to improve balance, a sleek waistline, mental clarity and fuller, more luxurious whiskers.' Egads. Seriously? I should flip cats. Just like in flipping houses, I will buy a cat for $200, put it through my yoga program and when the whiskers seem fuller and the cat is sleeker, I will then sell it for $500. I am going to make a fortune doing this.

the 12th Planet
This book offers 'documentary evidence of the existence of the mysterious planet Nibiru and tells why its astronauts came to Earth eons ago to fashion makind in their image.' That is awesome! Really no commentary needed on this, I have to get that book.

If you are looking for strange and interesting books, they are out there to be found. Enjoy your reading.

Monday, January 4, 2010

A Metrosexual and His Review of the Bachelor

Tonight marked the 44th edition of the Bachelor. I decided to sit down and give a review of this exciting event.

Right from the opening introduction, we are greeted to 37 shots of him shirtless (including breaking through the water in dramatic fashion) and 26 shots of him in his pilot's uniform. I can only imagine if a Computer programmer was the new bachelor...shots of him in flannel shirts, t-shirts and rugbys. So hott! We go on to continue to learn that he is a pilot. I thought that there might be a chance considering all of the shots of him in his pilot uniform and the constant showing of jets in the sky. In the first few minutes, we have been shown that he is a pilot, shirtless and a motorcycle rider. I fully expect to see him wielding an ax shortly as well as saving a puppy from a fire.

Notable Jake Quotes, with no Commentary needed:
"My office is at 37,000 feet."
"Flying is my art."
"Being an average pilot is not my goal."
"Would you give up flying for love? Love is more powerful than flying."
"I want inner beauty." Yeah, whatever.
"God, Family, Friends. In that order."
"I like to fly planes shirtless" (Ok, I made up that one)

Notable Jake Quotes with my own obligatory Commentary
"I can only hope that I will have a traditional marriage." So, does that mean is not going to be gay? Thanks for the clarification. I think we will see only women vying for his attention, no men on this Bachelor.

"I am going to walk away with a fiance. I can just feel it!" What does that feel like Jake?

"I am risking it all for love." What are you risking? Will you be beheaded if you don't find love? Will they castrate you Jake if you don't find love? "I have had a lot of first dates." No way Jake, a shirtless pilot can't get a second date? Shocking.

"I sure wish some ladies here would take off my shirt and feel my abs." Ok, I made up this quote.

Selection Process
As the show progresses, the show then decided it would be a good idea to give Jake some help. So, they sent him some help to decide who to pick. Could they have picked worst helpers EVER? So, who is going to help Jake?
  • The girl who dumped Jake in the last season of the Bachelorette.
  • The guy who Jake said was a lying scumbag in the last season of Bachelorette.
I seriously bet Jake wanted to beat the crap out of both of them...but he got stuck with them. I don't think he took their advice too seriously. Oh, did you know that Jake is a pilot? He also does not like to wear shirts.

The Contestants with my top 6 shown below, in order:

*Ali--Right from the start, this is the one that I am picking to be the final woman standing. Funny, sane and cute. Sign her up because she is going to go the distance.
*Tenley--All the previews of her show her wearing a bikini and being very bendy. She actually seems pretty sweet and Jake seems to dig her too.

*Corrie--Her first line to him was "What do you think about kissing me?" Jake had no clue how to respond to which she explained that she was joking, she is from Kissimee, Florida. Oh man. Kinda funny. She is a keeper.
*Rozlyn--She is trouble. She is pretty entertaining and she exclaimed to him, "Fasten your seatbelt, it is going to be a wild ride." Rowwr Roz! She looks like Scarlet Johansen, on a bad day.

*Elizabeth the brunette--OK, think of Megan Fox on a bad day. There you have Elizabeth. I think she just may be some trouble as well.
*Ashleigh--I think he likes her and you can sense it. She tripped into his arms and he seemed very pleased. I am not sure why he wants a clumsy girl though. Unless she planned it. And if she did, she is genius!

Crazy Favorite
*Michelle--"I am ready to become a wife." She informs us that she deserves him. I am not quite sure why she deserves him but she seemed pretty confident that she did so who am I to disagree? She also seems to be in constant melt down of seeing him talk to other women. She may implode in jealousy and rage. I would pay to see that. She spills out all of her thoughts of him...he is looking like a deer in the headlights. "I am being very honest." Honestly, get away Jake, this will NOT end well. But, I knew that he had to keep her. I have no doubt that the Bachelor producers demanded that Jake keep her. She is going to be awesome on this show!

The Middle Others (Potential but most likely not winners)

*Christina--She explains that she is 'A little bitchy.' Yep, give her a rose.
*Vienna--She informed us that she loves herself and she has a chihuahau and she proceeded to make out with her dog. She also enjoyed rubbing his abs during their initial meeting.
*Ashley--In a brilliant and dramatically strategic move, she came out in a skimpy stewardess outfit. Yep, Jake did not have a chance and she received a rose. The cameraman also seemed to enjoy focusing on her thighs as she sat next to Jake.
*Ella--She let us know that she has already planned out her life with Jake and her boy. "I know what I want and he is coming home with me" I kept thinking she was going to end that sentence with 'even if it is in a bodybag." In a wonderfully terrible bit of interaction, She told him that he had something on his tie and when he looks down, she flicks his nose. Seriously. Can he not give her a rose right now? Nope, he kept her.
*Gia--She is a poor man's Thandie Newton. (I couldn't remember Thandie's name and I said she was in Mission Impossible 3...Brodi remembered who it was and basically said, you are an idiot, it was Mission Impossible 2. Brodi is a movie savant).
*Cathryn--Reasons to get kicked off the show: Wearing a pretend wedding ring...basically wearing a ballet tutu for the opening ceremony...and proclaiming that they were made for each other because they like planes. Alas, Jake disagrees with me and kept her.

Will be gone Soon

*Valishia--That name is awesome but the girl wasn't. Jake kept her. I think because she has a strange name. I can't think of any other reason.
*Jessie--In the most cringeworthy moments of the show, she dropped the line "Do you have a registry for these guns?" (as she squeezes his arms). For that reason alone, she should be immediately kicked off the show and forced to live the life of a loner in the backwoods of Louisiana.

Already Lost

Alexa--Wants to stradle a motorcycle. She then proceeded to tell us that she makes orgasmic sounds when she gets on the bike. Egads. She comes in wearing gloves and she says that he has to allow her to fly his plane and he can ride her harley. This was definitely a euphamism.
Emily--I knew that she was a goner. She got about 3 seconds of air time. Seriously, 3 seconds. Sorry Emily, thanks for playing.
Kirsten--"I will become a bitch if someone pisses me off." She sounds lovely. Too bad she aint staying.
Channy--"My name is Channy, I forgot to tell you that." "Jake, you can land your plane on my landing strip anytime" Seriously, best line ever! Jake got rid of her though.

Other Highlights

Jake letting us know that he is a pilot...Jake driving a motorcycle...a horrible 'impromptu' game of football...Jake acting like a pilot...lots of cleavage shots...Jake with his shirt off...Jake showering.

I am exhausted. This may be my last Bachelor moment. I don't think that I can take a seasons worth of this. Readers--keep me updated on who wins this thing, but I have already placed my bet on Ali.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

A rearview mirror look back at 2009

I thought that I would give a quick recap of some of my favorites over 2009. It was a good year, but as Brodi says, ends of eras stink, so it is good to move on to 2010.

Pakistan--It was very cool to travel and spend over a week in Pakistan with Brodi. We had a chance to eat some interesting things (sheep brain masala is not as good as it sounds), see some wild stuff (the Waga Border where Pakistan and India have a stand off nightly between their borders) and just have a great time.

Rocky Mountain National Park--We spent a lot of time hiking, boating and having a relaxing outdoorsy time. We hiked up to 12,000 feet which was awesome especially having it snow on August.

Carter: This year he learned how to ride a bike as well as learning how to swim. He was pretty proud of himself. He is now in the 1st grade and his teacher says that he is a class clown, but he gets his homework done and he does what she wants him to do when she asks.

Beckham getting potty trained--Yay. Except when he decides that he doesn't care if he messes his pants. Boo. He is in pre-school now and he continues on the long Johnson tradition for boys in taking fooooorrrrreeeevvvveeeerrrr to speak. He is getting better though.

Brodi's Dad continues to beat back ugly Pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed almost 2.5 years ago. Huge, major Surgery was 2 years ago. He is doing great right now and is back to work as a Pediatrician at his practice.

My first nephew is home from a mission. Little Peter came home from his mission from Spain. When he was a newborn, my sister and brother in law brought him to my Freshman basketball games. Crazy that he is that old...crazy that I am that old.

Brodi is writing up a storm--She has a NYC agent and a book out on submission with a second one getting close. In the next year or two, look for her name, because she is going to be big. Join the masses who religiously read her blog: Brodi blog

1. Dexter: Seriously, no creepier yet thoroughly enjoyable show on TV. The ending was absolutely fabulous and equally disturbing.
2. Battlestar Galactica: This series is done. This was the last year. This show hit every issue imaginable (torture, discrimination, human emotions, etc.). I can't say enough about this show and I am sad that it is over.

3. Fringe: If you like creepiness, sci-fi-ness and great stories, then start watching this show. Every week seems to surpass the week before. You gotta love Anna Torv.
4. Burn Notice: Mindless entertaining fun about a former CIA operative that was 'burned' and is now fighting to regain his good name while also doing good things for people in need. Light entertainment but a lot of fun.

5. Modern Family: A new show about a 3 families (the dad and his family, the son and his gay partner and the daughter and her family). A truly hilarious show with a good heart.
6. True Blood: Terrific and inappropriate about a small Louisiana town with a handful of vampires and crazy stuff. Not for the faint of heart but very good storytelling and very compelling.

7. Better off Ted: Just a nutso comedy about a company that does crazy research. Very funny and offbeat.
8. NBA Game Time: Yes, I know that it is not a typical show...but I love watching this show on NBAtv where they break down every single game that happened during the day. Better than Sportscenter because it only focuses on the NBA.

Indian: Himalayan Kitchen: I am a huge Indian food lover...and this is fabulous. It barely beats out Bombay House on Foothill and Ganesh in Fort Union.

Greek: Dasks. I like a lot of the small little greek restaurants. The Other Place downtown is also very tasty but stay with the greek...don't branch out to some of their other servings.

Italian: Setebellos. The pizza here is fabulous. Very, very good. Other nice italian places are Canellas, Cinnegrill (mainly for nostalgia purposes) and Gepettos (also for nostalgia purposes).

Thai: Pawitt's Royale Thai. This opened up in the past year and has tasty thai food. Well worth a visit to this Holladay restaurant. Thai Lotus downtown is enjoyable as is Thai Gardens in Midvale.

Hamburger: Fuddruckers. It is a chain, I know that...but I do enjoy these burgers more than Apollo, Red Robin and Training Table. I will say though that The Counter (down at the Gateway) was terrific but it is now out of business.

I am looking forward to 2010.