Monday, March 2, 2009

Bachelor: Thru the eyes of manly man

I decided, along with Brodi, to check out the final Bachelor and blog a bit about it. We had seen about 3 minutes of the entire season and that was when we stopped for a sec in between going to another channel. We didn't know the players so I am blind to it all, so here is my rumblings in real time on the amazing events that transpired tonight. We turned out an hour late so I am jumping in without knowledge of what happened at the start.






I do know that he is deciding between Molly and Melissa and I am not sure which is which. I joined in on the episode with Molly, or is it Melissa, giving him a scrapbooking gift of their wonderful 3 weeks together. Really, a scrapbooking gift of their time together. Egads, how could she expect to win by giving him a book of pictures.





I guess the girl that just came on the show was the bachelorette from last year and she chose another guy over the current bachelor, Jason. She tells him--You still have a chance with me. I think he just about passed out. He looked completely dumbstruck. He then told her 'You are the best'...I guess he meant, you are almost the best but these two other girls are much better. She had a better chance at him if she wore either no clothes or very skimpy clothes. Alas, she came fully dressed and lost her chance at love with the love that she turned away on the last show.





An ad for 'Dancing with the Stars' comes on and it asks 'Are you ready?' I can honestly say, 'no I am not ready.'

Now we have different shots of Jason wandering around questioning how he loves two women (I bet the winner will feel fabulous knowing how much he loved the other woman as well). "I am now more confused than ever...how do I make the decision?" I say flip a coin or ask his kid who he wants. He then continues to wander around thinking about it.

Now we have random discussion from the two ladies about how much they love the man they met a month ago. Molly comments on how the relationship started off physical...but now it is so much more. Hey if you can't have a physical tv relationship, well, what can you have.

Emily comes and shows Jason wedding rings. I have a feeling that Jason is going to propose to her. I like Emily, the ring saleswoman. She seems smart. Jason exclaims that tomorrow that he is going to be the happiest guy in the world. No offense to him, but how would anyone even know that! I think he is a liar. I know of some pretty happy people in New Zealand and Buffalo.

We go on to find out that both women are unbelievable. Jason now gazes longingly at the diamond ring. He then decided he knew what he was going to do while gazing at the ring. The ring holds all of the answers.

Jason looks at the camera and cries. I cried with him. Such a tough decision to decide who to marry...I mean, he met this girl over a month ago. Tough decisions. We then get to see some shots of Jason being extra cute with his kid. He has yet to ask his kid who he should pick.

Wild dreams are about to come true. At least, that is what we are told...this time from Molly or was it Melissa.

The Big Unveil--WHO COMES OUT OF THE CAR--ooooohhhhhh, Molly gets out of the car which means she is the loser. I keep thinking, don't trip going down the walkway. That would suck. "I want to spend the rest of my life with him" Egads, sorry babe, that aint happening. Molly rocks and is very cute and gave up all of herself...and now Jason gets to reach inside her chest and pull out her beating heart and crush it with his bare hands. Well done Jason. "I have to let you go." Seriously Molly, yell at him...call him a turd. Kick him in the groin. Oh well. She is a better woman than I because I would haul off and kick him as hard as I could. She tells him, "I think you made a big mistake." You go girl! Good consolation from him though, "Just know that I loved you from the beginning...just know that." OK, thanks. I will take that to my grave you big turd.

Jason cries. Jason cries some more. I think Jason is still crying. OK, he's done now. Oh wait, no he is not. He is still crying. Leaning over the fence now crying. Quick cutaway to Molly who has tears in her eyes. Back to Jason who is partying now, oh wait, no, he is still crying. And he is still crying. Molly just called him a dummy. And back to Jason crying. Jason now contemplates being a polygamist.

Jason is done crying. Now, he appears to be happy. Melissa looks like she is going to puke or pass out. Jason now goes over the details of their long beautiful courtship. Melissa now has an aneurism of joy. He is proposing now! Who saw that coming? I sure didn't. Jason is now kinda crying, but this time its because he is happy. Brodi and I just shed a tear. It could not get any more perfect. Jason exclaims that he is the happiest man in the whole universe. Once again, I don't know how he would know that. Brodi then glumily admits, 'ok, that was kinda sweet.'

Holy crap, the after rose studio is empty! This is going to be dramatic. Uh oh, Jason looks very serious. Very serious. I think we will see tears. This is gonna be awesome! Jason is crying. Jason informs that he has "lived it." I can't argue with that. "We are not right for each other." Say whaaaaattttt? You were together for several weeks, how did this happen? He informs us that the chemistry went into the crapper. MOLLY. Molly fills his thoughts. To be honest, Molly is filling mine and Brodi's thoughts. Jason lost a piece of himself (I think in the ocean or on the countryside) the minute he let Molly go.

We now are hoping Molly found someone else. How awesome would it be if Molly and Deanna hooked up? We are now informed that Jason is a good guy. Jason has informed us that Melissa can take it out on him. Anyone have a butcher's knife? Or a chinese star? Melissa is going to go baaallllisssssttttiiiiccccc. Awkward pauses abound, though Melissa's choice of skimpy leather miniskirt is an interesting one. Jason exclaims how he wanted to give his life and everything else but now, no longer. Melissa looks like she is plotting his death. Jason tells her the line that is never used by someone breaking up someone else, "This isn't about you, its about me." Melissa is irritated. Jason is speechless. "I still have feelings for Molly." Melissa aint looking no pleased right now. And now the line of the night "You are such a bastard." Oh no, you did not just say that Melissa! You go girl. "I am so mad at you." Darn right Melissa.

Jason is crying again. Shocking. Again. So, how awesome would it be for Molly to just say 'Uh, no thanks but best to you.' Molly is coming out for a talk without Jason. Now we get a video montage of Molly and Jason. And she re-lives being let go. And we see Jason cry in the video. Now Molly goes on and admits that she still really digs Jason. And here comes Jason, looking as metrosexy as ever.

Jason is nervous. Molly is now grilling Jason. Jason has no good answers. Host steps in and saves Jason. Jason exclaims, 'My head and my gut have not let go." Molly looks as confused as anyone that I has ever seen. She is lost. Jason is making his play and I don't think Molly has a clue what is going on. Jason asks her for another shot. Molly laughs and looks around like she is expecting a candid camera. "I am still in love with Molly." Molly hasn't spoken in about 5 minutes. Awkward pause as Molly still has not a clue what to say.

Molly decides that she is no longer a mute, "We still have a lot to talk about...my feelings have never gone away...ya know, I think we could see where things go." Molly is now giggly. Molly is making her move on Jason now...hand rests on his knee. She is excited. They kiss. I think she has forgiven Jason. They kiss again. The host informs us that we were all part of a 'historic event.' Yes, he is absolutely correct. Historic is the word that I would use.



I am not ashamed that tears flowed freely as I saw true love rear its beautiful head. Jason seems like quite a catch...not good with decisions and a cryer. How can anyone beat that? I don't know about you, but I can't wait for Bachelor 18 or whatever number they are on now. It is going to be even more historic-er.

7 comments:

nielsons*love*family said...

oh ....that was FFFUUUNNNYYY!!!!! i HAD TO watch the finale too sam and i have to admit, i have never laughed so hard in my life!
lol!
lol!
lol!

Shell said...

Sam you should get paid by ABC for writing this piece.

Brodi Ashton said...

That was awesome. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard! We should do that again sometime.

jamkmb said...

that might have been one of the best posts you've ever done. truly historic post.

Hoffman Family said...

Definitely the best commentary of the bachelor EVER!

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